1.

 

From: Management <Management@RAMJACcorp.com>

Date: Friday, June 20, 2015 12:27 PM

To: staff <office@RAMJACcorp.com>

Subject: Fridge use issues (please read)

Everyone,

Management is setting a new rule for office fridge use. We really hate to do this, but recent events have tied our hand/s. The process started when Larry brought to our attention that his manicotti was missing from the fridge. Larry seemed very distraught, sitting in the Management lounge, and explained that no one would admit who removed the manicotti, at which time members of Management informed him they had discarded it as it appeared to be waste. Larry thought that was unfair, and we, listening to his concerns, resolved to create fair rules for facilitating the discardification of waste. The new rule, implemented by Management affective immediately, states:

Food to be stored in the fridge shall fit into specific scent and perceived cleanliness parameters. Perceived cleanliness indicates a situation in which a coworker might perceive your food to be expired, unsafe for consumption due to poor preparation, or so unappetizing it could spoil another coworker’s appetite at a glance. A cursory glance and no other method shall be necessary. This includes bold colored foods, bland foods, foods topped with sauces, marinades, gravies, cheeses, and/or soggy vegetables.

Also forbidden are any foods with strong spice smells, including but not limited to chili powder, paprika, garlic, oregano, basil, thyme, bay leaves, coriander, lemon grass, and (especially) cumin. Remember: If you have to ask yourself if it smells too spicy, then probably…

Foods in violation shall be discarded immediately, and their discarding shall be facilitated by Management. No exceptions.

2.

From: Management <Management@RAMJACcorp.com>

Date: Friday, July 8, 2015 17:33 PM

To: staff <office@RAMJACcorp.com>

Subject: Re: Fridge use issues (please read)

After barely two weeks of the new fridge rule, many problems have been brought to Management’s attention. Which unfortunately forces us to implement another fridge rule:

Food shall not be placed into the fridge not in a container. This includes any fruits or vegetables, which some may consider packaged by nature but for the purposes of a sanitary workplace and equally applicable rule shall receive no preferential treatment in the eyes of management. Any food deposited in the fridge shall reside in an approved container. All food stored in inappropriate containers will be discarded immediately by Management.

Questions were raised by Larry regarding which member of Management should facilitate the discardification, so let us clarify: The offending inappropriate containers and food contained inside will be discarded by an employee management determines has a lighter workload at the time discarding is required. At that time, Larry was deemed to have the lightest load, but when approached by Management, he protested cleaning the fridge as he was wearing his “best” slacks. We deemed his concerns valid, since we hadn’t clarified. However, Larry eventually saw reason and did his part, though his attitude could’ve been better. Furthermore, his comment, “This is [freaking] ridiculous,” which many of you heard, was uncalled for, and he was reprimanded. Going forward we really need everyone’s full cooperation and dedication to teamwork in discarding inappropriate food containers. And we will not tolerate further comments calling office policies“[freaking] ridiculous.”

Remember: An inappropriate food container is a food container that risks leaking, tearing, or breaking if dropped. Examples include: paper bags, plastic bags (even “Zip-Locks”), plastic wrap, plastic “Tupperware” containers (although not limited to that specific brand), glass containers, glass bottles, plastic bottles, aluminum cans, cardboard, other boards, all manner of baskets, and non-clear ceramics. Inappropriate food containers create a hazardous work environment for coworkers and the offending employee himself. No exceptions.

3.

 

From: Management <Management@RAMJACcorp.com>

Date: Friday, July 17, 2015 17:33 PM

To: staff <office@RAMJACcorp.com>

Subject: Re: Re: Fridge use issues (please read)

What an unfortunate turn of events. No one wanted to see Larry go like this. It all has Management wanting to shout, “Come on, people!” Which would be unprofessional, and so we have restrained ourselves. We all have a responsibility to the company to keep the fridge in pristine working order, and as everyone knows, storing foods is not a human right, and comes with responsibility. Because of all of this hoopla, Management is implementing another fridge use rule:

Food non-contamination status must be guaranteed by employee or else food will be discarded. Foods are deemed non-contaminated if employee can prove food was prepared in safe conditions, properly packaged, and not compromised during transportation or preparation.

Unfortunately, not all food items can earn non-contamination status. Since these items cannot be guaranteed as non-contaminated, Management will treat them as contaminated to ensure a safe and positive work environment. Foods that fall outside of non-contamination status include: any item prepared at home (such as “leftovers”) or any item that was not inside its packaging at any time during production including mixing and baking. There is simply no way to guarantee the non-contamination status of these items.

Lastly, we need to address the elephant in the room… more like: the elephant no longer in the room. Larry’s departure wasn’t on the terms we would have liked. However, he had taken some very strong opposition to recent policies and became confrontational with Management, to the point of breaching the Management lounge refrigerator. Upon looking inside, Larry inappropriately screamed, “What the [freak] is this?” Larry then began to throw every item into the trash receptacle without considering the specific rules for use of the Management refrigerator. When Management attempted to dissuade Larry, he replied, again inappropriately, “Go [freak] yourselves.” So, as you can see, it was best for us and Larry to part ways.

Management’s refrigerator shall remain off limits, to prevent cross-contamination in the workplace. Management shall follow current refrigerator use standards and directives, which, we assure you, are much more stringent. No exceptions.