Our Guarantee

any-tire-store

Welcome to Any Tire Store™, where we take pride in our sincere commitment to not skimping on your wait time! In case this is your first time here, please know that our 2-Hour Guarantee© makes us a leader in the industry. That’s right: We will make sure that you enjoy no less than a full 2 hours in our luxurious showroom, which—before we forget to mention—is equipped with racks of tires for your viewing pleasure, as well asa TV that shows the Maury Povich no matter what time of day* and a collection of hand-crinkled, vintage magazines from 2013. Thirsty? We brew fresh brown-tinted liquid every morning, a special roast that gets its woody taste and texture from the sawdust that comprises most of our grounds? Hungry? Please help yourself to a smorgasbord creamer cans full of an unknown bag-of-concrete-style powdered substance!

At Any Tire Store™, you can rest assured that our 2-Hour Guarantee© will not let you down. What if you show up at 7 a.m. right when the doors open, you ask? Fear not! We make sure to keep just one hungover tech on hand to ensure that work progresses at the proper pace. What if you drop your vehicle off the night before due to your hectic work, family, or school schedule—will you still get the quality promised wait? No problem! We will make sure to change the price of each tire by a negligible amount, which then allows us to delay the work until we get your approval—which you are unable to give because of that doggone busy schedule. Then, in the morning when your brother-in-law** drops you off on his way to work so that you can get your vehicle that was supposed to have new tires, you can enjoy your waiting period at that time. Feel free to call your boss from our lobby or use the spotty Wi-Fi to search for a new job if necessary.

Thank you for choosing Any Tire Store™ especially considering you have no other options. We come to work each morning prepared to fulfill our 2-Hour Guarantee©, ready to spend the day helping you lose yours!

* In extreme conditions, we reserve the right to show Judge Judy or Jerry Springer reruns.
** If not dropped off by a brother-in-law, you are considered to be in violation of the terms of the Any Tire Store™ agreement and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
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